a harper fix

Harper turned five months on Friday and I have to say that she is pretty much the most adorable thing. We are so happy to be back in Tucson and let her get acquainted with home. She has done well adjusting and we are all very much enjoying a more peaceful, quiet place. Harper had a four month check up last week. It was late (she was closer to five months) because we were away. I was getting a little worried for the appointment and that Harper was still so teeny. When I put her on the doctor's scale, I knew we had a bit of a problem.

Harper's stats
Weight: 10 lbs 5 oz (less than 1st percentile)
Length: 23 1/4 in (less than 5th percentile)
Head: 17 in (95th percentile)

Let's face it. Most of her ten pounds was her lovely, round head. The doctor came in and actually remeasured it. She was concerned until I let her know that large heads run in the family. Sorry Harper.



Some background is necessary here. When Harper was six weeks old, we discovered she had a severe cow's milk allergy so I cut out all dairy from my diet. When that didn't fix things, her doctor explained that she most likely had a protein allergy and recommended that I cut out most protein from my diet. I was unsure how to do that; she told me to cut out meat. Thus, I became a vegan. Let me just say a new baby+a new mom+a new diet+ a new city= a big challenge (to say the very least). Harper did much better with me on this diet and with a lot of help from Brady, I got used to it. I did it in order to continue nursing Harper, which I would do again in a heartbeat.

Back to Harper's recent check-up. Her doctor was alarmed at Harper's size and explained that we needed to start supplementing with formula. As we talked about Harper's behavior and other details, she said she felt my milk supply was not enough. Harper had refused bottles all summer because she had to have a specialized formula that smells terrible and apparently tastes just as bad. Her pediatrician said to try soy formula. I left the appointment feeling very worried for Harper and discouraged that the aspect of motherhood I thought I had down (breastfeeding) I actually didn't.


The next few days were really hard. I knew Harper was hungry and that I didn't have enough milk to fill her up, but after the first afternoon on her new diet she refused to take a bottle. It was horrible. After Harper randomly took a bottle of breast milk, we began trying different strength cocktails of formula and breast milk. By the time she took a bottle of pure formula I realized the 'X' factor: the nipple. We had several of one kind and only two of a very slow-flow kind from when she was first born. And that was it. From then on, she has been a bottle champ.

I am still nursing and then supplementing as the pediatrician recommended. I spoke to the lactation consultant who had helped us in the hospital when Harper was born who helped me understand what had happened. After a long conversation about Harper and the different challenges we have had (her allergy, reflux, being underweight), she explained to me that preemies can be very deceptive when it comes to breastfeeding. They can even fool lactation consultants. They seem to nurse great, they start out strong, and then after a while they just make the motions of nursing without actually doing it. I knew she liked to sleep on the job and did my best to keep her focused. In the end, Harper was getting almost enough each time she ate. As she ate slightly less than she needed, my body responded by making less and thus a cycle began; she was too hungry to sleep and too tired to eat.



Now looking back on what Harper was like as we left L.A. and our first few days back, I feel sad and guilty that I didn't realize that something was terribly wrong. She was quiet, limp and lethargic. I am so grateful we had our appointment as soon as we got home. I am still a little sad that nursing isn't really working, at least not how I pictured it. But Harper is so much happier, more lively and she's getting squishy. And that's how babies her age are supposed to be. Oh how we adore her. All while we were in L.A. I felt like things weren't quite right with her. She was only getting about ten hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. I worked so hard to get her to fall asleep just to have her wake right back up ten minutes later. My sole focus had been her sleeping and all along the real problem was that she was hungry. Hopefully I won't feel guilty about that forever.