alone and pregnant

I've been alone a lot lately. Brady is in South America on his MBA internation trip. I am proud of myself that I haven't cried at all since he left. Well, except for when I called my mom the night he left. Hearing her voice and telling her I was on my own didn't help. Other than that I have only gotten teary eyed a few times. Like when he told me that he bought the baby a present. Or when he emailed me from Buenos Aires and ended his email by saying: "I love you very much and I promise to both of us that we're coming back to this and soon." He loves the city. I can't wait to see pictures.

The day before Brady left, I cried off and on the entire day. I was so grateful for his sweetness and tenderness as he hugged me and told me yet again that it was going to be okay. He was going to be home very soon. I blame the antics on being pregnant. I mean come on. A pregnant lady should not be left alone...and at Chirstmas! Obviously this wasn't anything Brady or I could do anything about. The baby is becoming more active and I am grateful for her little kicks. I'm grateful for the company.

To keep myself busy while he has been gone, I knew I needed a project. The original plan had been to paint our bedroom as a surprise Christmas gift to Brady. Then, after having finished the baby's room, I had had it with painting for a while. I decided instead to make a baby quilt. I just finished assembling the top last night and tonight I will get it ready to quilt while we're in Utah.

Thursday I will finally pick Brady up from the airport and we'll head home. And we can't wait. All three of us.

halfway there

Yesterday I reached 20 weeks in my pregnancy. I felt very accomplished as I woke up and had reached the halfway mark--which is funny because I don't really deserve much credit at this point, but it made me happy all the same.


A week ago, we had the mid-pregnancy ultrasound. I was really excited, but almost sad to go because I knew that once it was over, we most likely won't see her again until she gets here. It was fun to see how much she has grown in four weeks. Her little movements were more noticeable and deliberate. They measured everything and it was great to hear that she looks healthy and perfect.

our sweet little one

her baby face

and perfect profile

We are so excited to have this little one join us, but are enjoying the preparation and anticipation. It has been fun to be pregnant at Christmas time as we celebrate the Savior's birth. I find myself thinking and wondering about her as I listen to Christmas music and at other times, as I reflect on Him it makes me think about her. Merry Christmas sweet baby.

It was fun to have our first out-of-town guests come stay at our little home this weekend. Brady's sister Lindsey and her husband Ben came to visit Arizona State University in Phoenix and stayed here last night. It was great to see family and compare notes with them as they consider graduate programs. We really hope they end up in Arizona.

gratitude

Since today is the last day of November, I have to take a second to count my blessings and all that I am grateful for:

Brady

a home

our baby girl

the ability to walk

bike helmets

hugs after a long day

supportive parents and in-laws

old friends and new friends

seeing family for Thanksgiving

Christ

family

All Souls

Earlier this month we went to the All Souls Procession here in Tucson. We were told that was the essence of what Tucson is. We didn't have any idea what to expect or what it meant, but with some good friends, we piled into the car and went downtown.

Prior to showing you the wonderful pictures from the event, I'll give you a little history so you aren't as bewildered as we were:

The All Souls Procession is perhaps one of the most important, inclusive and authentic public ceremonies in North America today. The Procession had its beginnings in 1990 with a ritualistic performance piece created by local artist Susan Johnson, who was grieving the passing of her father. Inspired by Mexico’s Dia de los Muertos holiday, Johnson felt she should honor her father in celebration and creativity. The performance was very well received and many artists were inspired to continue growing the Procession into its modern incarnation.

Today we find ourselves organizing over 20,000 participants on the streets of downtown Tucson for a two-mile long human-powered procession that ends in the finalizing action of burning a large urn filled with the hopes, offerings and wishes of the public for those who have passed. Inside the event are myriads of installation art, altars, performers, and creatives of all kinds collaborating for almost half the year to prepare their offerings to this amazing event. The All Souls Procession, and now the entire All Souls Weekend, is a celebration and mourning of the lives of our loved ones who have passed.

We left the house (after an amazing pulled pork sandwich dinner) a little late to make it to the procession, in an attempt to catch them mid march we found a parking spot on the road a few blocks away from where we thought they would be going. All four of us ran down the street and all of a sudden we came up to the destination of the procession. A giant crowd had already gathered there because the official group was just then entering and beginning the party. We pushed our way through the mob to find the mass movement. We made it and snapped a few pretty sweet pictures. I'll let them tell the story in context of the above explanation.

These two gentlemen, I believe, are what the procession began as in its inception. A throw back to the traditional dress of Dia de los Muertos. Just solemnly marching down the road thinking of those gone before. By the way, we looked around for some white face paint before we went, but they were sold out all over town.


This young lady was walking like a zombie, like only a few of her joints were working. Also, note the giant head immediately behind her. There were a few folks walking around with giant paper machet heads or figures attached to them. I'm not sure what significance they played in their dead ancestors.

Another giant paper machet head.

This nice woman didn't think it was very nice of E to take this photo of them. She had a few things to say after it was taken.

We're pretty sure this guy was just riding his skateboard by and thought to himself, "Hey, whats everyone doing here?"

Just a regular weekend in Southern Arizona

our little one

Last Thursday night, I literally felt like a kid on Christmas Eve. I was so excited and anxious for tomorrow to come. I didn't know what to do with myself. On Friday we had our first ultrasound and I could not wait for that first glimpse of our little one. The doctor had told me at my last appointment that he thought my due date was miscalculated by about four weeks. Meaning that suddenly, without warning, I may have lost four weeks of progress. Just like that. It took two weeks for the hospital to fit us in and I truly felt like I was going to die with anticipation.

We waited for what seemed forever in the waiting room and they finally called us back. And then, there our baby was on a screen in front of us. So clear and so perfect. As Brady and I sat there, holding hands, we looked up in wonder at different angles of our tiny, sweet baby. My eyes filled with tears as I was overcome with love and excitement for this little one.

our first glimpse

and tiny hello

The tech measured the arms and legs, the head and the chest. Then she entered it into the chart and calculated me being fifteen weeks along, with a new due date: April 30th. I am only sad because that means four weeks longer that we have to wait to meet...

our little girl!

When she said "Well, it looks like it's a girl." I couldn't believe it. I just looked at the screen in amazement and may have giggled. A girl. I squeezed Brady's hand and finally said "Can you believe it?" Looking back on it, I know I would have felt the same way if she had said it was a boy. To finally see our baby and simply know what we are having is amazing. I could have stayed there all day staring at that screen watching our baby girl kick and turn. Luckily we get to go back in a few weeks for the mid-pregnancy ultrasound. So let the wait begin.

tell me, what is half so sweet
as a baby's tiny feet

missing autumn

I have been missing the changing of the leaves, the crisp fall air. I was thinking about this as I fell asleep last night and realized that this is my first year living away from fall. Even during my mission, during the fall I was in areas that had seasons. We are enjoying Tucson and couldn't complain last week that it was nearly eighty degrees as it was snowing for the first time in Utah. But yet, that's all my body and spirit want to do. Every year I look forward to Fall and the peacefulness of it. I never would have guessed how important this time of year was to me until living without.

The Fall that I miss

Fall in Tucson

Today, I spent some time with my camera in the streets of Tucson documenting the colors around me. Although I was able to find nearly the same orange here that the leaves are turning in Utah, the fact that I was walking around in a T-shirt and flip-flops and getting kind of hot was all wrong on the third day of November.



We are loving it here and enjoying our first home. We dreamed of the day we would come here for Brady to pursue his MBA. Every day I am so grateful for how things have worked out and recognize how blessed we are. I assume that in a couple years when we are packing the car to move from this place, I will be used to the desert and not want to leave. But for now, I am missing the mountains and colorful leaves.

Cheese Dip

As this blog is in its infancy, this post is simply to set the record straight. Let it also be on the record that my involvement in the proceedings of this not-so-official journal will be spotty at best, and the amount of contraband that appears here at my hand will vary in quantity and quality. Stay tuned for these illegal posts as she who audits this will undoubtedly edit my voice for fear that future generations might be tainted by my often unfounded opinions and ravings.

When this digital digest was only a flutter in our hearts it was proposed that it bear the name cheesedipdiet.blogspot.com. I took the initiative and claimed that URL for fear that some other lucky family might beat us to the punch, but it was vetoed quickly. The reasoning behind this name goes back to shortly after we found out about the aforementioned family addition. The two of us went to the grocery store on a Friday evening, as happens when you lead an especially eventful life, and my better half was hungry, but couldn't settle on anything that might satiate her new appetite. The only thing that sounded good at the time was Tostitos Cheese Dip. At first I thought she was just another victim of the marketing that we were barraged with upon entering the store, however, the desire held strong until we made it to the chip aisle. Dinner that night consisted of Frito chips and cheese dip. Needless to say, we each went to bed with upset stomachs and smiles on our faces.

So began this era in our lives. There will forever be an association in my mind of Berry and Cheese Dip.

an addition coming in april

It seems appropriate to start a blog as our family begins to expand. We are going to have a baby! I am due in April and we are very excited. I always used the excuse before that I would start a blog once we had kids. Well, I guess that day is becoming a reality. Why is it that I am more overwhelmed by the idea of starting a blog then becoming a mother? Clearly, something is wrong with this picture.

I had really wanted to fly or drive home to tell our parents that we were expecting, but as we realized that wasn't going to happen we came up with a different plan. Brady and I made our way to the University of Arizona bookstore. Since we had just moved here, we decided to each pick out an Arizona item to send our parents to make the announcement. I then sent them each a little package with a onsie and card announcing an Ashdown Addition coming in April 2011.

'your family tree is about to get more beautiful'

I'll give you one guess who picked which onsie. Unfortunately no on in Brady's family got how funny the one he picked was: "Wildcat Born, Wildcat Bred." Even after he clarified to them that the wildcat was U of A's mascot. Well, at least he still thinks its funny. (I'm not sure if the baby will actually ever where this one, but...)

It was very fun to pack these very little surprises up to our parents, who were unsuspecting until we asked one too many times if they had received the package we sent them.

our cute little surprise

We are so excited to welcome this little baby into our family. We have our first ultrasound scheduled for a week from Friday and I can hardly wait. Unfortunately my doctor does not have an ultrasound machine at his office so it requires an appointment at the hospital and apparently there is a wait-which may kill me.